This is why I shouldn't be left alone

I often think my life is more interesting than it truly is. In addition to that, there are times in which I think I am more important than I really am. (both of those feelings are possible by my overactive imagination and over consumption of television watching.) Today is an accumulation of those feelings, and all because of a trash can.

Walking into an empty house is unusual for me because I live with four other people. Needless to say I could tell something was different about today when the driveway was vacant, something was off.

The fridge was fuller than I expected but still there was nothing I wanted to eat. I should go grocery shopping, but hunger must be met first. Frozen pizza wins out again. I close the fridge and turn around and something catches my eye.

The trash can is speaking to me, but it's voice is muffled

"What's that?"

My mind is racing at this point mostly because I feel like someone is trying to communicate with me in secret. And the only reason people communicate in secret is when they are in danger. So I must decipher this code and help whomever is in distress. I rack my brain for what scenarios are conceivable.

1. Someones life is in danger.
but why try to get my attention on the trash can? Unless it was the trash man who was threatening their life and the cry out was also a clue. That is not practical our garbage men are delightful.

So I throw out that option and am a little relived that everyone is ok at this point

2. Perhaps someone has arranged a treasure hunt for me and this is the first clue?
I do wish this were the reality but I know everyone is too busy to plan something like that. And my birthday passed and with it the reason for putting so much effort into a beautiful display of appreciation.

Next option

3. Maybe it is a promotion from the GLAD. It will tell me that we have won a lifetime supply of garbage bags.
I know what you're thinking, who care about that? But let me tell you something, I do, I care about that, I do. Especially since we have found the perfect bags for our unusual trash cans. Life has not been the same in the taking out trash arena. In that case life has been perfect!

Thinking about this option I realize that I should read what it says immediately, so I can cash in on this luxurious prize.

The trash reads:

I am letting

the trash can dry
because there was gross
smelly liquid on the bottom so
I -----washed it out
oh and the floor underneath
also

And now I know that my life is not as interesting as the conclusions I jump to.